Another mammo ... and a fitter me

... 12.5 years since the cancer and still the annual mammography is scary. But it went well again this year, even if a second image had to be made of my operated breast. But everything is fine!

It's more than 12 years since my life was put on hold for 6 months with the cancer treatments. In January 2007 I got the diagnosis, was operated within days and started chemotherapy. All of which went very well. The scar (and dent in my right breast) is small, the chemos didn't make me too sick. Yes, I lost all my hair, but at least my stomach was kept in check with anti-vomit drops.

​Cancer months in 2007

 
I can still remember feeling my stomach flip-flopping but my brain not registering nausea ... that was quite amazing. And yes, there were some really tired days right after the treatments, but my system picked up quickly every time.

​The chemos (8 times) continued into the early summer and then we celebrated the last one with a short trip to Mallorca. I still remember jumping into the pool in our lovely little hotel on the west coast with my bald head (and the bobble near my clavicle of the portacath*, *small medical appliance, installed beneath the skin, with catheter connecting port to a vein) and seeing my hair grow back curly in the fall during our trip to the United States.

My hair growing back curly!

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​Going back to work

​I went back to work in small installments later that summer, helping out when colleagues went on vacation while interspersing work with my regular dates at the local university hospital for radiation treatments. 

By fall life was back to normal. Except for having to take estrogene-blockers for another 5 years. But has life really ever come back to normal?

Celebrating the last pill in 2012

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In many ways yes, things are normal again. I was and am not too scared that the cancer would come back. Except for the instances that yet another "cancer colleague" wouldn't make and die.

​The sense of life being finite had always been on my emotional horizon - but since the cancer not a day has passed that I think of the preciousness of every day. Well, almost no day ... every once in a while there's of course a bad day, some depression looming, some way of being totally distracted from the deeper issues of life, when that sense of preciousness and gratefulness seems to have temporarily evaporated.

​What's changed after cancer?

And it's not the case that I made huge life changes after the cancer. I am still in the same job, assisting writer/filmmaker A. Kluge for three days in the week. I have deepened my studies in yoga with a meridian-focused yin yoga training, have done a yoga personal trainer training (which didn't amount to much), have deepened my interest in interior styling (and done a great project in Kathmandu, more about that here) - and have become much more athletic.

​I have actually found and stuck to a training for the last 3.5 years, but that has much less to do with the cancer history than with my 60th birthday.

​Finally picking up a sport

Right before turning 60 I decided that I wanted to be "strong" once more in my life.

And yes, I wanted to get my bodyfat percentage down, because that's also important for after-cancer health (in my case the estrogene-feeding turmor was starved by having my body stop producing estrogene by means of aromatase inhibitors - but the body naturally creates estrogenes in stomach fat, which of course I want to have the least possible of).

So I first started personal training once a week, adding a weekly session of kick-box fitness a few months later. Recently I have been on a sports "high" and have trained up to 5 times a week (2 personal trainings, three kickbox fitness sessions) and it has really shown in both my muscle composition and bodyfat percentage: I am proud to say that as of yesterday my bodyfat which started at 31.8% in September of 2005 is down to a whoppin' 23.2%. So when I turn 64 in November I will almost be an athlete, haha ...

​What does the training do?

But, jokes aside, moving the body is what really works. I have seen clearly that mere calory reduction ends up with weight loss, but the loss is caused by losing muscle!

​I actually have to watch out to eat ENOUGH these days to build muscle and lose fat. That means watching my protein intake carefully, eating a lot of vegetable and eggs and - I must admit to being flexitarian still - a good piece of meat (3 times/week?!). And not to forget some dairy, Greek yoghurt being my favourite. And in the weekends a nice glas of wine when going out to dine with the hubby is also in the picture!

​A "new" me?

So I am a different version of myself, of a somewhat "evolved" version - but not so much because of the cancer as because of the decision to be "strong" once more around my 60th birthday.

Which again has to do with the awareness of the finiteness of life ... but for whatever reason: I am grateful and happy that my body has carried me onwards on this path and I pledge to keep taking good care of it for many more years ...

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